It has come around again as it inevitably would, just like the dentist appointment that seemed such a long way off when you booked it. Yes I am talking about the annual Lee Village Flower Show. On Thursday the great, the good and the rest of the area will exhibit their produce in gentle (read fierce) competition with each other.
Stage One – The preamble. Conversations with other competitors on the lines of “my vegetables are terrible this year”, “not sure I will have anything to show its all just dreadful” “yours can’t be as bad as mine its a joke”. I am no longer taken in by these ruses and expect miracles to have happened overnight to redeem these so called short-comings.
Stage Two – The polishing. What I mean by this is the selection and preparation of the vegetables. And the polishing. I know its wierd.
Stage Three – The picking. Picking the flowers and picking-over of the pot plants. This has to be left as late as possible so is always a rush, particularly frantic on the morning of the show.
Stage Four – The Exhibiting. Transporting buckets of flowers, flower arrangements, pots plants and trays of fruit and vegetables without damage all before 9.00am. This is all done whilst trying to eye up the opposition. I am no longer the innocent in these matters and I know that behind the caring smiles of sympathy at an undersize courgette lies an exuberant heart and much schadenfreude.
Stage Five – The Wait and Reveal. After 2.00 you are allowed back into the show to see the marking. It is imperative to maintain a fixed smile and say well done as convincingly as possible to anybody who has beaten you whilst muttering “surely he slipped the judge a fiver there is no way that is better than mine”. The highlights are always the models of monsters made of vegetables and lusting over the victoria sandwiches.
Stage Six – The Presentations. Cups and speeches. Relief. Note in diary for next year.
Above is our secret weapon – ripe peaches as tested by myself and Hero this afternoon!